Chuff

Easter's come early children - I finally have my own internet connection! I've been downloading stuff constantly since Monday, so I have been mucho busy. It's so exciting! I can finally catch up with the latest episodes of Prison Break and Veronica Mars, I even downloaded a couple of episodes of Lost, which I hate. It's just so great to have a broadband connection! And porn! Wonderful porn! How I've missed you!

Wait... did I say porn? I meant Windows Live Spaces, obviously. That's slightly embarrassing.

So, a new Flangeman then. Happy Easter everyone!

I did have a link to the pilot episode of Biffovision on here, hosted on YouTube, but it doesn't work any more. So 'nuts' to you.

If any of you were wondering if I'd disappeared or something, fear not! I have been busy working on a top-secret project to revamp Flangeman and his homosexual hombre. I wanted to redesign the characters somewhat because let's face it, the original designs were boring and shit. It means a lot more effort, but it also means I can do more action-packed storylines. Check it out!

Gayboy is way out of proportion but apart from that, what do you think? It would be interesting to hear your thoughts, if only because I'm so insecure.

Don't forget to stay tuned for the New Adventures of Flangeman!

Here's an interesting piece of news:

...

In a bid to calm the furore over the alleged racist bullying in Celebrity Big Brother, Channel Four and creators Endemol have announced that in future Big Brother will contain 'no ethnic minorities'. Channel Four claim the move is an attempt to promote harmony in the house by eliminating the possibility of any conflict. 'We feel this is the best way to ensure this sort of thing never happens again,' said a spokesman for Channel Four, 'Although we still believe that what is happening currently is just bullying, not racism, we feel that ethnic minorities are more susceptible to bullies for reasons that have nothing to do with their culture or race or skin colour.'

Endemol denied that their new policy was itself discriminatory, insisting that the move was supported by minorities. The chairman of Endemol UK said, 'One of the producers who voted in favour of the new rule is actually of mixed race, so it couldn't possibly be discriminatory.'

When asked about the possibility of an all-ethnic Big Brother to complement the new all-white version, he dismissed the idea as unworkable. 'The problem is separating groups who may be volatile towards each other. We have to keep the black people away from the Asian people, the Asian people away from the Chinese and so on. We have to cater for their heightened sensitivity. With an all-caucasian group you avoid these problems.'

All applications for Big Brother 8 from non-white applicants have been discarded in light of the decision.

...

In case you were wondering, yes I made that up.

Is anyone else amazed that Jade Goody released her own fragrance? How is a Jade Goody perfume even marketable? Apparently it's called 'Shh'. I think the last thing you would want to name a fragrance would be something so close to 'Shhit'.

It's funny how when Jade was such a horrible, vile pig on Big Brother 5 years ago, everyone seemed to love her for it. Hoisted by her own retardedness. How satisfying.

Does anyone out there know anyone under the age of 50 who is familiar with the rules of bridge? I'm talking about the card game here, in case anyone thought I meant the game where you cross a motorway bridge whilst trying to avoid being 'run over' by the cars travelling below. I ask because my Dad, who is a fairly fanatical player and teacher of bridge, has finally got me to sit down and play a bit of it. We haven't got onto the finer points of the game yet, but I'm pleasantly intrigued by it, which is embarrassing because the average bridge player usually has false teeth and a steel hipbone. I'm too young! I'm too young dammit!!!

Anyway, that was just a bit of waffle. I'm getting tired of 'waffling' on like some sort of pregnant goat every time I write a blog entry. I'll try to keep it to a minimum in future, at least until I have some exciting news regarding Flangeman or Flange Club or any other subsidiaries of The Flange Corporation©, including McFlangies™, The Flange Hut™ and Flangemart™.

Booya! It's Flangeman yo!

... the answer to the quiz question in my last entry is:

Kevin, while Johnny had had 'had', had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a greater effect on the teacher.

If that still doesn't make sense to you, then you're in good company apparently. If you liked that then you should look up "buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo" on Wikipedia. You know, if you're not too busy looking at pornography.

Did you know that this is the 22nd edition of Flangeman? You didn't? What's wrong with you? Throw up your hands, rejoice! With this Flangeman I am truly spoiling you.

Happy New Year! What a year that was! So many highlights, like when the year ended and everyone started cheering and stuff. I totally wasn't expecting that. What a twist! My personal favourite moment of 2006 though, was when April 24th became April 25th. That part was fucking hilarious!

In all seriousness, 2006 sucked cock. Oh well, new year, new beginnings and all that. Although New Year's Eve wasn't exactly a personal highlight. At midnight, I was in a dingy club with my cousin and a few of my sister's boyfriend's mates. A couple of hours later, I was watching my cousin blow chunks onto one of my sister's boyfriend's mate's carpet. It was only slightly worse than last year, when I was passed out at a guy's houseparty and I sicked up over his parents' bed. While he was cleaning it up, I grabbed my coat and walked home! It's OK though, I apologised eight months later.

This year my Dad had his customary New Year Quiz. One of the questions was kind of interesting, so I replicated it here.

Punctuate the following sentence so it makes sense:
Kevin while Johnny had had had had had had had had had had had a greater effect on the teacher

I want answers people! While you're thinking about it, here's the first unwarranted exclamation of the word 'chaffinch' of the new year: CHAFFINCH! And here's the first Flangeman of the new year: